being present, abundance and chillin the F out

27 04 2010

So, a hilarious thing happened about yesterday’s post.  I wrote a big, long rant about how I was angry about a lot of things in my life and how hard it was to make it as a single mother staying home with her child.  ON and ON and ON. Grumbles and anger and scarcity mentality. A real outpour.

And then I posted it on facebook.  And no one could follow the link.  Only I could. Hilarious!  It seemed obvious to me that the message was that I needed to get that out of me, but no one else needed to bear witness to it, give it any power or comment on it.  So, this morning, I deleted it completely.

Last night, after feeling completely overwhelmed, stressed and down all day, I went to a beautiful Yin Yoga class.  The teacher last night was not one to push through yin postures, but took a very gentle, easy approach to it all.  Which was exactly what I needed.

I spent the first half of the class gliding through the postures and then she said “now, just be present with the sensations in your body, with what your body is communicating to you.”  And BOOM! I was present.  And my body had a lot to say.  And I listened.  It was tired of holding stress because of an overactive mind.  It was tired of being ignored because of all the stressed out thoughts running around in my head.  It needed for me to be present with it, in order to make life not completely overwhelming.

So, I was.  Being present in Life is such a gift.  It is so important to just be with all the things that we encounter.  If I feel overwhelmed, then I can help myself move through it by actually being present with how it feels to be overwhelmed.  When I am present with my emotions and mind states, I find it easier to pass through them and come back to a state of Peace.

One of the things that I have been stressing out about is money.  I am becoming financially independent again, for the first time in about 2 years.  I will be going back to work for the first time in about 5 years.  I was worrying about rent, and phone and hydro and food and all of these other things that I feel I really need.

And then I remembered: Abundance is about having what you need when you need it.  It is not about having huge amounts of money, nor about having all sorts of things that I don’t need.  True abundance is having exactly what I need, when I need it.

(this photo is copyright to Monica Erosa.  Thank you so much!!)

Remembering that helped me to come back into abundance mentality.  I do have what I need when I need it.  And so, of course, everything followed.  I found a free pay-as-you-go cellphone from freecycle.  I accepted the help that had been offered in packing.  I got an offer from someone I just met last week to help on moving day.  I had an errand run for me.  I found that my left-overs, which I thought would barely be one meal for us, will be a delicious lunch for little A and I tomorrow.


The thing about abundance mentality, versus scarcity mentality is trust.  Trusting that, even though you don’t have something RIGHT NOW, that you will have it exactly when you need it.  And, it’s also about being able to receive it when it comes, in the form that it comes in.

For example, I was really into the idea of having a landline phone.  So, I checked into it.  $55 activation fee, $15/month extra “fees” on a $20/month bill.  My mind was spinning “how will I afford this?” I really need a phone so I can start my business.  So, I checked into pay-as-you-go.  $50 activation fee, which is the minutes that you start with.  Then, you pay what you need, from then on.  Not a landline, but definitely an affordable phone.

Thank you!

So, now, instead of being that ranting and angry girl from yesterday, I’m chillin the F out.  I’m relaxing into being present in this exact moment, whatever discomfort that may bring, so that I can move past it, back to my natural state of Joy.  I’m trusting that I will have all I need, when I need it and that I will be open to receiving it when it comes.

It’s a much nicer state to be in.

Hopefully, this post will be able to be seen by the world.  If not, I won’t delete it, because I feel that it resonates with the true state of my Being: Joy, Peace and Trust.