And now back to our scheduled program

1 06 2010

The last month has been pretty full on:  a new home, a separation, applying for jobs, starting businesses and seeing lots of family.  So, after a month of sketchy postings, I will be resuming my normal schedule of everyday, or at least, most days.  YAY!

Something I did over the last month, which was really a surprise to me, was apply for a “Job”.  Yup, a real job, with a boss and a pay cheque and clients and all that jazz.  For those of you who don’t know, I haven’t worked for the last 5ish years and haven’t worked for someone else for about the last eight.

When I realized that I was going to be financially independent, I decided that I would start a massage business, as that is something that I am good at and could start up easily and cheaply.  And I have.  I am open for business now, three days a week (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and would LOVE to rub you, if you are in the Guelph area.

But that’s beside the point of this post, which is the Job.  I had thought that I would be self-employed again, that I would always be self-employed from here on in.  I never thought I would be writing a resume, cover letter, digging up letters of reference or any number of other things involved in applying for a Job.

I thought: I have no interest in working for other people.  I want to be with my daughter as much as possible and live a simple life, sewing and rubbing people.

Then I met a fellow who reminded me that sometimes, jobs aren’t working “for” someone, they are working “with” someone.  He introduced me to the concept of people paying money for things like networking, community building, collaborating and other things that I just do naturally.  He told me there was a job opening up like this in Guelph.

Now, at first, I made up excuses as to why I couldn’t apply for this job:  it’s not “exactly” what I want to be doing, maybe the organization isn’t organized enough, maybe I would have to put little A in daycare, maybe I would have to dress in clean business clothes (something which seems impossible for me at this point, as “clean” clothes are often ones that are less covered in toddler goop than other), I don’t have enough time to get a resume together… blah blah blah.  The mind can certainly be creative and convincing.

Luckily, the Universe is equally so, and communicated to me, quite loudly, that applying for this job is really a great thing.

So, I did.  In the process, I realized that the last five years have been incredibly productive.  I have done a lot of volunteering, learned a lot mothering and gained some pretty wonderful professional skills.  It was a very empowering process for me to write a resume and translate all my mothering experience into “saleable experience”.

Now, as well, I have a resume, so should other community building jobs come available, I can apply easily for them.  It seems like the Universe is conspiring with me too, as I’ve had two more job possibilities put before me since applying for the other job, both in community building/organizing.  Which would be amazing!

My perspective on work has drastically shifted and my confidence has been boosted.  It’s a wonder to me that applying for a job did all this, but it has.  I feel like Life can surprise all the time and just when you think you know what’s up, it shifts and you learn more than you thought possible.

Whether I get the job or not, I am still going to massage people and work on sewing neat things.  I would love to get the job, and at the same time, am OK with not getting it.  I feel the job that is right for me, I am now open to receiving, and will be able to receive it when it comes.

It’s really a wonderful feeling.

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the “problem” with infinite possibilities

16 05 2010

Could there really be a problem living in a world of infinite possibilities? Anything is possible.  How could that possibly be an issue?

My “problem” with infinite possibilities is that there are just too many possibilities to choose from.  How’s that for a post-modern conundrum?  LOL!

It seems that I have so many things I like doing.  I have skills in many things (as I was, wonderfully, raised to believe that I could do anything) and have interest in many things.  There are so many places I love, people I cherish and things to explore.  How do I choose?

All of this comes up for me because in the last two days, two possibilities have come to the forefront and I am wondering whether to choose either of them.  One is a job/career path, the other is a long-term living situation.

Both are things that I want.  Both are things that I am super interested in.  Both involve skills that I currently have.

Both also involve a COMPLETELY different direction than I have thinking I would take and both have me questioning whether I would be able to nurture other important aspects of my life simultaneously.

So, I get to the conundrum of infinite possibility: choice.

Don’t get me wrong, I think choice is one the most wonderful things we are gifted in this existence.  But, I am no longer just choosing for myself.  Anything I choose, now, involves not just me, but my child, and, by association, my child’s father.

I want to make decisions that give little A the best I have to offer.  I want to give her an amazing life, in the ways that I feel I can offer that to her.

Sometimes, I wish the Universe would be more blunt about things, like a big, flashing neon sign saying: “YO! Meme! this is the choice that is for the highest good of all!”  But then, life just wouldn’t be so interesting.