Dance me through your panic, til I’m gathered safely in

18 04 2010

Last night was one of my favourite events that happens in my city: a two hour ecstatic dance experience called the Groove.

I was blessed, when I first moved here, to find out about it the first month I lived here.  It only happens once a month but is still one of the most important things to me in this city.

The Groove has certain “rules” that you wouldn’t find in another dancing experience.  For example, there is no talking, which means that each person is really encouraged to go into their own journey of dance.  Secondly, there’s no shoes, so it means your feet feel safer running about on the floor.  Lastly, there’s no alcohol or other intoxicants, which makes the space have a really clear energy.

Last night was a very special groove for me.  I went with Chris, which was the first time since little A was born that he and I have left the house at the same time.  I was a little nervous about him being there, thinking that I might not be able to go as deep or be as present with myself as I needed to be.  Fortunately, my fears were unfounded and he was really just in his own journey too.

Ecstatic dance moves as a wave.  It is also called the five rhythms, going through five separate rhythms that correspond with the elements.  So, the dance will start out slower, build up to a crescendo and then slowly come back to a place of stillness.

The places I went to last night were very deep for me.  I started dancing and was just concentrating on opening my heart, shedding any layers of garbage I had collected, energetically around my heart.  It was pleasant and beautiful.  After a little while, a woman who was dancing there seemed to be needing assistance with a massage, so I offered myself.  It was a short experience but her energy was so open I was able to move a lot of energy.  When I finished, she turned around and was crying.

Now, I have been told many times that I have a gift for touch/energy work.  I have often had really intense experiences with people in a healing setting.  As I haven’t been doing this work for a while, I am not as confident as I have been.  So, seeing that I helped someone cry (even though this was a really healing thing for them) sent me into doubt into me starting a massage studio again.  “Am I going to make everyone cry on my table?”  I wondered hilariously.

Luckily, dance is a perfect medium for moving through thoughts like that, and I was able to dance my doubt out, reassure myself and come to a place of trust within myself and the Universe.

The music, thus far, had been pretty positive, uplifting, spiritual type music.  All of a sudden, this comes on:

Saul Williams has a special way of cutting through everything.  This was the perfect thing for the journey.  I felt, all through this song, as I was able to rage around the room that I was ripping away the layers of illusion that were all around me.  I clawed at my body, at the floor, at the air.  My body scratched away everything that was keeping me from seeing myself and the world as it truly is.

After such intense release, my body needed to be in stillness.  I cried, I did some yoga and was ready again to dance.  As I danced, I felt that the face that I was wearing needed to be shed, that I was not wearing my true face.  So I was dancing and trying to take my face off, literally rubbing and pulling at my face.  At this point, the woman I had massaged came up behind me and started into a very loving, slow and intimate contact dance.  She held me and I felt like the Divine Mother was cradling me, letting me know that I am perfect and beautiful as I am.

Eventually, the music stopped, the journey was complete.

I feel so blessed that there is safe space for me to move through all these emotions, thoughts, states of being and come out reborn as a new being.  I give so much thanks to the people present last night and the space that was held for all of our processes, the journeys that we all went on.

Dance is such a powerful medium of spiritual development.  It brings me to places that I don’t go in stillness.  It allows me to so efficiently to move through challenges.  It gives me opportunity to refine and renew my energetic body.  It cleanses my body, mind and spirit in ways that nothing else does.  The music moves me and brings me to states of being that I wouldn’t reach without it. I give thanks for my body that it allows me to move, and express myself through dance.

When we got home, little A had put herself to sleep and had had a great time with our friend who was watching her.  In all, it was a perfect night, a perfect journey and has given me so much clarity to move forward in my life.

(btw, the title of the post is a line from a Leonard Cohen song, Dance me to the End of Love)

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