Everything is OK as long as the two slinkies aren’t in the same dog poo bag

13 04 2010

That just about sums up my day today.

Sometimes I find myself saying things that I never thought would come out of anyone’s mouth, much less my own, on a semi-regular basis.

Other great ones from today include “please don’t put the almond skins in the bathtub” (the reply to this one was “just a couple mama.”) and “please don’t use the pipe cleaners as a muzzle for the dog” (the reply to this one was “but it’s funny!” which is true, but still….).

This post, today, was going to be about so may things: sex, menstruation, underwear, embroidery (of course), but it seems to have come to a place where none of these things are pertinent in the face of the great experience of mothering.

I’m going to try to get to all of it though:

Last night I had some time to myself in my bedroom, as when I got home from a glorious yoga session, little A was asleep with her daddy.  I thought this was wonderful as I had been looking forward to time to self-cultivate (for those of you who are not in the know, that means masturbation).  Now, this may be a subject that we like to avoid, that is not talked about, especially not on a blog post about mothering, but I feel strongly that it deserves attention.

Sexual self expression is a very healthy and necessary part of Life.  Here in the West, we like to pretend that none of us have sex, or self-pleasure.  It’s taboo to talk about.  It doesn’t make it into main stream media.  No, we prefer gory wars and excessive violence to the beauty and Love of sex.

While I was breastfeeding I, like many other women, completely lost my sex drive.  Now that I’ve weaned, it’s coming back and it’s wonderful to be able to have the time to explore it myself.  Self-pleasure, especially, is important, as it allows us the independence, confidence and self-reliance necessary for a healthy relationship with another person.

So, last night, I took the opportunity to cultivate the sexual heart energy and to be joyously with myself.  Details aside, I was in the throes of bliss when little A woke up, requested me, and was promptly deposited on my bed.

Huh.

While I know this is all part of motherhood, it is such a strange state to be in: switching so quickly from one vibration (total abandon to physical pleasure) to another (total calm, nurturing offer of myself without much regard for my physical comfort).

How does one find the balance?  The time?  What is OK to expose your child to?  All these things are not written about in parenting books, not talked about at playgroups or the park and definitely not explained by the old generation, who mostly like to pretend that we were all immaculate conceptions.  It’s like the whole reason of how children exist (through sex) is conveniently slipped under the rug of the whole parenting experience.

I feel that one of my missions on in the Here and Now is to be able to empower people to realize the necessity of healthy, happy, sacred sexual relations.   I question how I can bring that knowledge to others, however, when I struggle to even find the time to give to myself.

So, sex down. Next: menstruation.

(watercolour “Flow with Me” by Kat Grandy)

I awake this morning feeling a) sexually frustrated and b) incredibly pre-menstrual, which isn’t that surprising as I am on a new moon cycle and the new moon is tomorrow.

It is my humble opinion that moon lodges, red tents and other retreat concepts during menstruation are very necessary.  I wish that there was the community/tribal support available to retreat from life for five days around bleeding.  Two days before and the three first days of bleeding are so intense for me.  I feel like all the veils come down.  I feel like there is no more pretending.  All pretenses and facades drop and become impossible for me to maintain.  I come to a place of honesty with my state of being.  I cannot bring myself to the “happy spot” all the time, nor do I want to.  It is a time for me to be exploring the “darker” places, emotions, thoughts and experiences.

Those places, however, are not really generally accepted as OK places to reside in for several days on end.  In our society, women, instead of being honoured for their journey to those darker places, are called “bitchy”, “hormonal”, or classified in some other, usually derogatory, term.

A dear friend told me that the reason why women aren’t sent away anymore is because we’ve become way too domestic about the whole thing.  We wear tampons, take Midol and go about our business with the best smile we can muster.  If women acted the way they really felt, brought their blood out to the surface, let it drip down their legs, and channeled more openly the darker places they were going to, then we would be sent away, because everyone would understand that we needed to be sent away.

After birthing, I understand menstruation more.  I understand why women feel drawn towards those darker places.  We are encountering little deaths.  Every menstrual cycle we have, we have because we did not create Life.  We are expelling what could’ve been a child.  We are experiencing a little death, complete with the blood and gore of it all, coming out of our beautiful genitals that also spring forth Life.  That death energy is so close when women menstruate.

Some native tribes honoured women by allowing them to go to moon lodges.  They understood that women were going to find the wisdom of the Underworld and that this journey to the Underworld would not be good if the whole tribe experienced it.  I often think of this when preparing to bleed.

Also, right before my moon cycle starts I find the system that we live in particularly unbearable.  On most days, I find it inconceivable, but I allow it to be what it is, love it and go on with living with as much Love as possible in order to bring about the new world.  Menstruating gives me an intolerance for this North American state of living that is pretty fierce.

Mothering while menstruating is one of the most challenging things that I do.  My patience is short, my need for solitude great and little A, sensing this, is, of course, very needy.  She is also, however, a very understanding little being and I know does her best within the given circumstances.  Bless her little soul

Menstruation down.  Next: underwear and embroidery.  Still with me?

I thought that a perfect thing for menstruation would be a nice pair of new, homemade underwear.  So I set about doing that.  I got as far as making the pattern for non-stretchy material, until I realised that a) I only had stretchy material and b) if I used a non-stretchy material pattern I would have to give the underwear away to another larger woman.

At this point, little A had also taken out all the fabric I have and arranged it all over the living room floor.  She had also taken out all the embroidery floss and unraveled much of it.  She had also emptied most of her toys on the living room floor.  At this point, my living room floor was more like a sea of stuff than a floor.

I decided it was time to stop.  Maybe I’ll embroider, I thought.  One stitch in and little A had somehow found the box of pins and spread them nicely on the floor.  “It’s OK mama,” she says “me clean all the needles up meself.”

Breathe.

She’s asleep now.  Dreaming about dogs and pigs and sewing underwear with mama, I’m sure.

Days like this I come back to myself and think “well, I did my best.”  And that’s all I can ask of myself.  I really did my best.  Could I have yelled less?  Could I have kept calmer?  The could’ve lists are endless.  In the end, I couldn’t have, because I didn’t.  In the end, she still spent more of the day laughing than crying.  In the end, a mess is just a mess.  In the end, sleep comes, the day dies and another is born with the sun.

And, everything is OK as long as the two slinkies aren’t in the same dog poo bags.  Which they aren’t.  They are, happily, in two separate dog poo bags, enjoying their lives as springs and the joy of my daughter’s life.

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2 responses

13 04 2010
Prexus Swyftwynd

This was an excellent read! There are so many blogs out there, some homebrewed, some commercial, but it was nice to sit down and read a very truthful and well-planned entry. Unlike me who tends to ‘write all over the place’ – your thoughts were clearly articulated in so few words, lol.. wish I had the ability to do that. Once I start typing, usually it’s almost a mental-diarrhea and in the end, I’ve accomplished/said nothing XD

It’s very unfortunately that menstruation is no longer the “natural” and “in-touch-with nature” thing that it used to be. I believe that menstruation is a really beautiful process and there is so much misinformation about it. Even amongst girls, there is often an air of shame, embarrassment and reluctance to want to learn/know about it. Most girls simply “just deal with it” which is not a very good way to look at it. Amongst boys, it is even worse… they are fed with improper information from media (often portraying menstruation through a negative light) and through peers, without truly knowing the process/details than entail periods. Really, they ought to know more, not because they NEED to know, but they SHOULD know.

Masturbation amongst women still tends to be a very taboo thing indeed. I think it’s taken for granted that “guys do it” – but for a girl to speak up and say… hey, I do that too… almost seem awkward. Not awkward for me, but definitely frowned upon by society. Only a few of the girls I know, either who I have been involved with or have a closer relationship with dare confide in those ‘secrets’ with me. Masturbation is no shame, whether male… female.. or well, everything in between. The benefits of masturbation is for oneself! Being sexually relaxed is the one thing that helps keep me sane amidst all the daily crap I have to deal with, LOL.

14 04 2010
mamameme

glad that you liked the entry. It was really therapeutic to write it. I find, so often, that these things are just swept under the rug. THey need to be aired out if our culture (that is, north american) is going to heal and become functional. Welcome to the blog! I hope you enjoy!

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